Alternative Christmas verse

If Santa was....
If Santa was a Henderson or any surname
Cockney
Liverpudlian
Brummie
Geordie
Taff
Jock
from Anytown
etc

If Santa was a Geordie
He'd be a builder on the side
Because chimneys are very narrow
And Santa's very wide

Overnight, there would appear
A big hole in your roof
And you'd know that Santa did it
But you wouldn't have the proof

In January, S. Claus Roofing Contractors
Would take your remaining money
While you saved up for the arrival
Of the Geordie Easter Bunny

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If Santa was as shrewd as you
He'd take a royalty share
Of the billions of Santa cards
Published every year

He'd be bigger than Walt Disney
And Spielberg put together
He'd move to a tax haven
And enjoy the better weather

And if you expected him to visit you
You'd have to save up all the Summer
House calls are expensive
Have you ever called a plumber?

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